There are good nights and bad nights around here. Last night (well, technically I guess that tonight is now "last night" as I'm after 1 am....thanks to my early evening nap) was a bad night. Dinner ended with Max in tears after my "winning" our power struggle over his eating dinner with constant complaining about what we were eating and having to be cajoled (ok, threatened) into every bite. Well, maybe to me it was a power struggle, but maybe he was just a poor little boy who really didn't like what we were having and felt the need to accompany each forced bite with a thumbs down. To which I responded with a time limit in which he finish eating, but he didn't make it and so was sent to bed then and there (because I'm a parent that follows through, dang it!) and he followed it with many tears and howls, but took himself straight upstairs.
I'm sure that I've got this whole food thing wrong. The thing is, I take food very seriously and I take what my kids eat seriously (well, what mom doesn't?) and I spend a lot of time actually making what I consider to be really good, whole food for us to eat. I don't mop my floor regularly and I don't do any kind of crafting, but I make dinner everynight....it's my thing. And I have always refused to make multiple meals to satisfy the possible variable tastes in the house and I refuse to let my children be picky eaters. (You will eat sweet potatoes--and a lot of them too!!) But, like anyone who goes to an extreme, there are definitely times when these philosophies get the best of me and everyone loses.
So last night I crawled into Max's dark room as he hid under the covers and I knelt by his bed to make my way at an apology and to help send him to bed thinking better of the world and our family than he was. I asked him if he would like to choose what we would eat for dinner the next night and then if it could be his job to help me make it. I knew it was a risk, for we might be eating boxed macaroni and cheese (since he's been begging me to buy it for months), but he surprised me and actually said that he wanted the sausage, barley and potato soup that I like making in winter (and eating it always makes me feel like I'm a character in a Thomas Hardy novel). It was a deal.
So tonight we worked together. He washed the vegatables and peeled the carrots, I chopped everything up, and he put it all in the pot, sauted it, and then added the broth to bring it to a boil. He was thrilled. He even happily and quickly worked on his homework (another usual and tiring session of keeping him on task) while the potatoes and barley were simmering their way to softness. Usually Olivia sets the table, but tonight Max did that too. He took the job very seriously declaring that he was not going to set out any kid-cup-and-bowl matches (a source of contention over who is lucky enough to get a match) and also saying that he would like his place to be next to mine tonight. He also buttered everyone's bread slices himself and passed them out. But I couldn't help but smile biggest when he called everyone to the table and then firmly told Olivia that there would be no fussing tonight because he was the chef (in only one of many references to himself as the chef). In fact, he told everyone that I just did the chopping and he made everything else--I was only the "sow" chef. Olivia had to correct him to say that he was actually the "sous-p" chef.
And then we ate in happiness. When Olivia stood up on her chair mid-meal to recite a poem she learned at school that day, and when Max copied her to stand on his chair and recite the poem only to use bigger and sillier actions, which made Isabel stand on her chair and act silly (because for all intents and purposes she thinks that she is 5 and 7), I didn't even stop them and bring on the usual lecture them about what is appropriate dinner behavior or how loud our table voices should be. And so we loudly talked and laughed and there were even some silly screams, and then we ate pineapple pieces for dessert without a fork but with our fingers. We had a night off and we needed it. And Max ate three helpings.
Olivia told me that she would like a turn to help make dinner with me next time, and I said ok and asked her what she would like to make: "Macaroni and cheese....but with peas."
13 comments:
Awww, the good story of the good night brought me to tears. What a great memory for all of you.
And what mom doesn't take what her kids eat seriously? Uh, that would be me -- although I'm *trying* to be better about that.
You are definitely giving your kids a gift with those nutritious dinners at home. Although I think maybe a one-bite rule on foods they dislike might save you some power struggles; maybe if they voluntarily go hungry they'll gradually increase their range of tastes. Or you could do something like allowing them one or two foods they never have to eat. (Believe me, I have plenty of areas in which I have too many power struggles with my kids, so I only offer these suggestions in hopes they might help, and not because I always know what works, because I surely don't.)
P.S. My food I never had to eat was yams or sweet potatoes, although I always thought that was a bit of a waste since we only had them once a year. But that was the only food I truly despised. (Well, I also disliked Cream of Wheat, but that issue didn't come up much, and certainly not at the dinner table.)
I *don't* like peas in my mac 'n' cheese, although Dean's always trying to slip them in. I keep telling him they're just as nutritious and much more delicious if served on the side.
What an amazing story! I have a feeling this will become some what of a tradition for you and your family
PS-I don't like Yams. Never have. Never will.
I grew up in a "you will eat this" household. And now: brussel sprouts, blue cheese, beets....yummmm!
My kids struggle too, but I think it will pay off.
You are a nice mom to have your kids cook with you. I should do that. I have no patience. Well done.
Oh Jeannette! Great post! I can SO relate to this! I have the same problem with my kids frequently. Owen hates potatoes in any form and last night I tried to trick him by pureeing them into the soup. He still didn't like the soup even though he didn't know it had potatoes in it. And I made him eat some anyway. I just need to accept the fact that, no matter how bizarre it is to me, (who doesn't like potatoes?!?) he really just DOENSN"T like them.
The soup sounds delicious. Tell Max I would love a copy of the recipe. I definitely relate to your thoughts about eating in happiness. Getting dinner on the table after a busy day can be a production, and once we sit down, I love sitting back for a moment while all mouths are full.
Can I admit to total jealousy of your success story? Nathan cooks with us - no dice. He's gone to bed without dinner lots of nights - doesn't increase the variety of foods he'll eat. Of course, I've been getting the feeling lately that there might be something else going on - he can walk into the kitchen in the AM, a good 10 minutes after my breakfast is done and gone and say, "Yuck. It smells like Cheerios in here." Sensitive nose = sensitive to taste??
I am with you on the cooking-as-hobby (and the not-mopping-or-crafting too!). It is a good one to have, and will be a great one for the kids too. Linda gave an enrichment lesson on cooking with your kids in Berkeley that sounded wonderful. I pored over the handouts, but your success makes me think I'll try one more time to schedule it in during the school year.
Wow! I felt like I was reading an excerpt out of my own journal. Up until the point where you all actually had a nice family meal together. Last night Macy refused to eat what I had made for dinner, and so was sent to bed crying and screaming that she was hungry. And Hannah, too, thinks absolutly that she is 5 and 9. To see her following her big sisters and doing whatever they're doing is quite comical! Thanks for the great post! Now I've got an idea on how to get Macy to eat. Although her choice of dinner will probably be chicken nuggets. :)
You are a good mom Jennette - no doubt about it!
We've done the "go straight to bed from the dinner table thing," and it's no fun. And WHERE ON EARTH do kids come up with the matching plate & cup thing? My kids do the exact same thing! Weird.
Jennette, I really like this story. You handled that so well. Getting one of my kids to eat dinner is a struggle as he always gets a mysterious stomach ache right before.
I'm thinking I want the recipe for that sausage barley soup. That sounds delicious!
So I was reading along, feeling pretty good about myself because I was thinking "Wow, Jenette and I are a lot alike" until... you got all awesome and hatched your brilliant plan with Max. Thanks for showing me how it is really supposed to be done. You are definitely the type of supermom who should be a mother of 4 (at least)!
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